If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
