did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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