New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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