And the cops told us we were all naked.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
