If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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