I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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