Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
