I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
