I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
