Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
