ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
