the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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