I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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