you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think my moral compass just broke
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
