just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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