She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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