just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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