I'm laying in your front yard are you home
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
