You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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