Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
