Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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