FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
