Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
