Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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