I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
