I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I believe in your delicious
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
