She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize