Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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