mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
