bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
