I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
