textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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