Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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