i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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