Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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