i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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