Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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