he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
