I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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