He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
