I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize