I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
