i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
please come you make the beer taste better
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
