I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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