Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
