seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
