so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
