i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Drunk walkin through police station. America
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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