It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
