your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
