He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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