Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
