I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
