i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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