I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
