The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
