did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
