She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
