Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
