Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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