Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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