Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
