Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
