I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
