I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize