i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
