Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
