We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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