Cold hands, warm shart.
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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