I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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