he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
